martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My vagina just clenched in fear
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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