im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize