You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
do herpes really smell.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
