There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
