Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Randomize
