So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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