i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
