Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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