I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
