I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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