there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
