We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
