You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
