you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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