Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
