Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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