I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
