Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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