Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
