I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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