just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
