NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
