I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
