I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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