***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
