Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
