I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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