Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
