Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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