he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
