The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
