So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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