Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
