I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
