I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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