I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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