I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
