hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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