so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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