It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
