my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
