I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We are all done wearing pants today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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