"it" just moved
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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