I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
