like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
