i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
