Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
