I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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