I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
