Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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