Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
