She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
