If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
