Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
