People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
