I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
