that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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