My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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