The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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