it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
