just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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