I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
