He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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