Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
